Fake Intellectual Mugs

"Yes, all of them. I need a Zoom background."

Paul Ree

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Miss America IQ Pageant

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"So, what are you reading?"

"Have you been working out?"

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Assertiveness

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Checkmate!'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

The Ascent of Man.

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

Lost and Profound.

Jacques Lacan

Toni Morrison

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

"You're terrific, Katia. You think like 'The New York Review of Books' and look like 'Vogue.'"

George Santayana

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

"Is it just me, or do these sculptural forms of light and shadow make you think about the ephemeral nature of life, the spirituality of the moment eclipsing our futile quest for cheese?"

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

"Care for an oxymoron?"

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

Philosophers On Strike

Soren Kierkegaard

Thomas Carlyle