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How to Succeed in Business - Strategy 2: Build relationships at the highest level.

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Minister Starts at a New Church

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'This is the one - we want you to pray for this one.'

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

"I think it's the company logo."

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

'Seven companies in three years.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

"Good morning! I'd like to come in and talk to you about the Bible..."

"I wasn't always a big success in business. In fact, I'm still not."

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

'It's not quite as bad as it looks - they're only witholding payment until we publish our expenses.'

"I don't know about this freelancing. I'd like someone to guard."

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

'The buck stops here'

Angel talking to broker

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

"This tastes the same...why the different price?"

"Maybe we should change the name of the parish to something cool, like the Protestants do and add a coffee bar."

"Yes, reverend, all our stocks are faith-based.2

'So our dot-com business failed! We can next form another dot-com business to liquidate our old dot-com stuff.'