Faithful Critic Prints

"REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!"

"I'd be happy to recommend a church that's just down the block."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Reese Witherspoon

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Movies vs. Films

'Okay - who leaked?'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Pop-up Bible.'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Evolution of Man

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"