Fairytale Reimaginers Pillows

Cauliflower Red Riding Hood

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Bob, the whole Cupid thing is a metaphor."

The Echoes at Killarney

'He followed me home...Can I kiss him?'

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

"This isn't how the story went at all."

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

God and Adam's first date.

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"That was good, but less tongue next time."

Revised Texts

A princess looking for frogs

"She doesn't seem to want to tell us why the price is so low."

Mythical lake forest.

Children Plead with Santa Claus

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

The Old Woman Who Lived in the Ranch. . .

'Oh, please no, ma'am! I couldn't stand the stress of success!'

Wolf in bed.

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

'Boy, down there.' 'Yes, Mr. Scrooge.' 'Tell the butcher...to cancel for goose. I just had a visit from the spirit of Veggie Future.'

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

"Would our taxes be any cheaper if we lived in a sandal?"

"I'm just sayin', Rapunzel, maybe you shouldn't be using that volumizing shampoo!"

"... and they lived happily ever after as they could..."

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

"And ten she said what big ears I'd got. You don't think I've got big ears do you Brian?"

This is getting waaay too easy...