Face-shape Analyst Pillows

'You don't look like your passport photo.'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"Don't be fooled. Chaos reigns."

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

"Behold the geometry of pizza: square, circle and triangle."

"It seems the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist have changed places."

A Wrecked-angle.

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

Plastic Surgeon Kid

'Now that guy is really obtuse. . . and I'm not talking about the angle of the triangle of his fin.'

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

A prediction.

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

Fat Cell Metro. Tracks 1-4. Express Line to Hips.

Types of people who live in my house

Kiss me quik dating service

MD-HDTV

Mr. Harris thought his face-lift was a tad too severe.

'I'm no good at doing bodies!'

'I couldn't put it down.'

He doesn't look sorry!

"It's a common misconception that resting bitch face affects only women. Statistically, it's a man's disease."

"Always had difficulty expressing my anger. Even before the botox injections."

"Mom, Dad, admit it - your dating agency was manipulated by russian hackers, right?"

'Isn't that a girlfriend of yours? Yes, three chequebooks ago.'

'Woof woof.' - 'I thought it was against company policy to have animals in the office.'

"The partners were thinking maybe stockbroker is not the right career for you."

A figure carries different masks off into the distance.

"I find you can tell a lot about an economy just by looking at peoples' shoes."

Comboverandunder.

Normal people, just trying to grow nice bushy, non-ironic moustaches and they get all tied up in the whole Movember thing.

"Scratch an angry person, Mel, and underneath, you're likely to find a person who doesn't like being scratched very much!"