Eye Care Buff Pillows

'My wife tells me I need glasses but as usual she is wrong'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Do you think I'm sixty?

Sheep In Curlers

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

The Cat Spa

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'Wait! Wait a minute! Would you hold my glasses?'

'He wasn't doing a bit good, until I changed his glasses.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Two men in barber shop

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

"How many letters can you read?"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

'Ha ha... Very funny!'

'No cheating'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

Vincent Van Goth.

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.