Extreme Homeowner T-Shirts

"You live very near the edge, don't you"

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Painting by the numbers for adults

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

Beware of the Lawn

Mouse real estate!

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"Rain or shine, me and you can do fondue!" "I'm ready for some yum!"

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

'What do you mean, you forgot about the coalmining search?'

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'