Experience Of Being Laid Off Pillows

corporate scapegoat to sacrifical lamb

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

The breakup

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

What Bob thought outside the box.

'You can stop worrying about job burnout.'

Musical Chairs...

"I gave you the axe. How dare you come back and use it to intimidate me."

"Maybe we should've done layoffs after the holiday party."

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'OK everyone get out... we're downsizing!'

'Relax, I'm not here for you. Just for your job.'

'You do outstanding work, Nelson, but I'm afraid Higby makes me look better.'

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."