Expecting Mothers' Confidant Pillows

'Talk about weird cravings: I felt like tofu yesterday...'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"The test results show that your baby is healthy, and that she already wants the new iPhone."

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Six down, three to go!!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

Please take a number.

Childbirth and Covid 19

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

A Star is Born.