Expectation Vs Reality Fan Prints

'Happy birthday, dear... It's an executive rock.'

"Me, after years of begging, I was finally allowed into the house yesterday. You know what, it was kind of a letdown..."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Police film evidence

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

A couple decides what to watch.

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

'I decide reimbursement rates at the Healthcare Exchange of Oz!'

As Seen On TV

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

'...Nadine Dorries has sent you a present from Australia. She said as soon as she saw it she thought of you!'

Man sees capitol building: 'Truth, Justice, Reality TV'

The Mom quiz show

"Hi, I'm Jamie Theakston and this is Dogs Might Fly."

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

'OK, you've got your problems. Now, you can keep them and walk away - or trade them with whoever's behind door number one, two or three.'

"The idea at 3 am. The idea at 7 am."

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.

The Party of Lincoln

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

'Take us to your - y'know whasisname - that chap who came runner up in 'Pop Idol''

'We need more cake shows!'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

'You'll notice a radically new approach to our policy on Iran.'