Executive In On The Joke Prints

Cost Cutting Exercises

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Water company bonus.

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'Our efficiency expert's only recommendation was to continue his contract.'

"You must understand that my total confidence in this plan of yours depends strongly on one's definition of the words 'total' and 'confidence'."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"We're making progress."

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"Thursday makes it ten years. What do you say we renew our merger vows."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

'We'll wait until the ex-ceo's cigar smoke clears before beginning.'

"Profits must be down."

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

'...and that's when I inherited the company. How about you? Who died and made you boss?'

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"Not only is it not in speed dial, I don't even know Lee Iacocca's phone number."

"I'm under stress, Miss Gibson. Come in and bite my nails."

'Well, Higgins, today it's on you to do the most dangerous job here. You've got to feed the board of directors!'

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

"You don't have coffee breath. And you call yourself a team player!"

"Now, do any of you other yes-men have a 'yes, but' you'd like to get off your chest?"