Executive Empathy Pillows

"Ms. Benton, please phone my wife and schedule a meeting with her for 3:00! I need a hug!"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

Still looking for your inner-grown-up, Harold?

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

"I've gotten plenty of table scraps but no one has ever given me money under the table."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Too much caffeine for Mr. Hopper"

'I've never had to butter up the boss. I've always been the boss.'

"I give and I give but all they see is take."

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

Executive Conkers.

'Management is all about 'empathy', about developing positive, supportive and healthy relationships with colleagues and staff... and if you can't get that through your thick skull then you'll be as useless as you look!'

'Still no bailout for us, sir, but don't give up hope!'

'Believe me, Luci, it's hard being a boss! You want to be everyone's friend...but you can't...I wonder what you'll be when you grow up...'

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

Elf-Help Group

"Whenever you're ready, goddamnit, whenever you're ready."

'Step in here Henshaw, I need a hug'.

'But RG, you can't be a big fish in all the big ponds...you can only be a big fish in your big pond.'

Dr Jones had, in a former career, worked in the construction industry...

'It's lonely at the top, Miss Jones. Come in and give me a cuddle.'

"Will they hate me if I talk?"

"It happened at work. The glass ceiling broke."

A bridge between the 'haves' and the 'have nots' crumbles.

"If that's all the smug self-congratulations we have for today, we'll move right into our next agenda item: gratuitous glad-handing!"

'You're nobody until somebody loathes you.'

New Year's Resolutions...1 Don't abuse my position at the center of the Financial System to make jaw dropping amounts of money while dragging the economy to the edge of the abyss and ruining the lives of thousands of innocent people 2. Lose weight

Perhaps an egg shaped product was the secret...but they couldn't crack it.

'C'mon... I just want to hug you!' - 'Arrrrrgh!'

"When I said you could bring your problems to me at anytime - I meant at the office."

Missing sheet of paper