Exclusive Events Gifts

Posh store has sign: When Flaunting Is Not Enough.

La Table

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

Carpet

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

'That one is a real bargain if you don't mind the chin strap.'

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

This club is for members only

My latest invention is genius. It's an affinity card for our best customers. That's not a new idea. Airlines, rental car agencies, hotels … They all have loyalty programs where you can earn discounts and special treatment. Spare me. Ours has a way better name: The Cafe Exclusive VIP Premier Executive Best Customer Reward Program. And we don't trouble customers with confusing discounts and benefits. All hail the VIP premier cheapskate.

I shall now unveil my first great experiment in exploitative capitalism. Oh joy. Institute for Capitalist Exploitation. Beneath this sheet is an extraordinary creation. I give you … The new cafe exclusive VIP premier executive best customer reward card. Available to anyone who pays $9.95 a month for membership. Fine print: Includes no benefits.

"You. You. And you."

Please wait to be vetted

Fish pedicures - a woman with her feet in goldfish bowls, with the fish complaining about what they have to eat since the beauty craze took off.

Dinosaur Extinction, If your name's not down...

"Do you have a reservation?"

"Actually, I was hoping you'd have rolled out the red carpet just a little bit sooner!"

"It costs how much to join?"

"This is a private club. Are you a Mamba ?"

'Hey! This club is for members only!'

'Order 50,000 gift bags. We're gonna do Beverly Hills!'

Club Heaven.

"Mr. Lee's Chinese Palace, one of the city's best-kept secrets."

"Welcome to the club. Not my club, mind you - you couldn't afford that."

Garrick club. Men's men only.

"Now you tell me I'm the only member?"

"I often mistake a twenty pound note for a membership card."

Social Exclusive Unit.

"Tia Carmen, can I join your Wise Latina League?"

"Hole In The Wall" (members only.) ? ?

"Your request to join is being reviewed by the group moderator!"

"So long, Bill. This is my club. You can't come in."