Evidence Expert Pillows

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Pull the udder one

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

"O.K., I admit it, we're lost, but the important thing is to remain focussed on whose fault it is."

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

Documentation Please

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

'As it turned out, circumstantial evidence was all they needed.'

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

Let the profit-making begin!

What did you know?/When did you know it?

"Exhibit 'A'."

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

"Well done my son! There's a shell case in the corner. . .and number that stain."

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."

Theories and Proofs.

I.D. Cards Protest Group - Database of members: Name, Age, Address, Income, Occupation, Marital status...

"As a forensic psychologist, it's my opinion that the defendant is not a risk to the public. Any more passive-aggressive questions?"

'You've left DNA samples all over the place!'

The Smoking Gun