Everyday Crusaders Pillows

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

What the heck is wrong with people? These leftovers are perfectly good – and #5 plastics go in the recycling bin!

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Oil shock.

"No caffè latte? And you call yourselves a bookstore?"

Water shortage and waste due to leaks

The Jerck Manual

"I told Mr Simmons there's something I wanted to get off my chest - his hands."

Men's Casual Clothes. Nothing feels better than finding a comfortable pair of pants! Jean therapy is very powerful!

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

"Tough group."

"Run! There's a shooter!" " Not another nazi!"

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

New PFI project - benefitting the local community. '...They own shares in the company that built it'

Toad roadkill.

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

"George, I can't help thinking you lack focus!"

'Realist Trac, with 4 settings...'

Water carriers/bearers.

'Got it!'

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

Nicola Sturgeon

"My vegan desserts are all-natural, although I often suspect that they're artificially savored."

Under the car park.

GOP: 'The Lord helps those who pay Congress to help themselves!'

Super Six

Causally dresses interviewee

Folding Bike.

Open At Other End.

Hey wannabe Steve Jobs, get me a coffee. In a sec. What? I'm live blogging my job. I'm writing a moment-by-moment account of the day and uploading it in real time to the web. Preparing for a massacre. Charming customer.

"You're a cyber bully."

'Welcome to the Road Rage Restuarant! What the @#&$ do you want?' 'Burger, fries, something heavily caffeinated, and step on it!'

'If elected, I'll sponsor legislation for a $10 billion study of Government hypocrisy!'