Eternal Snacker Mugs

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'Cambridge dons of electrical engineering find a way to do toast without going to the buttery.'

'We've been through thick and thin. Tell me about the thin again.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"That summit Johnson! Our goal is the summit!"

"Aw. I thought you said Pizza tonight."

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Book Burp

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

The Grenade Nut Cracker.

"Yeah, he calls me his best friend alright, but he's never shared his hot chips: not once!"

Breaking Bad Wind

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."

"I was too anxious to sleep, too sleepy to work, and too lazy to go to the kitchen."

Midnight Snack

!There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!"

One smart cookie