Estranged Spouse Pillows

"Larry and I decided to swim up separate streams this year."

Captain Pointy No.10 - Wife comes back for her things

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Where Are They Now?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"...Then she took the divorce settlement money...and set up a company that's putting me out of business."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

The Gayhorns

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

'When they announced a 'ladies excuse-me' my bird said 'excuse me' and left'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'After our divorce, will you marry me?'

"Michael. ... That's my sleazeball of an ex-husband's name."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

Car parked illegally has 'divorce attorney on call' sign in window.

'On TV they play dramatic music as the contestants enter the ring'

"Your ex asked you to remarry him?!!! You're not considering it, are you???" "Oh, heavens no! I know he's only after me for his money!!!"