Estranged Spouse Pillows

"Larry and I decided to swim up separate streams this year."

Captain Pointy No.10 - Wife comes back for her things

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Where Are They Now?'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"...Then she took the divorce settlement money...and set up a company that's putting me out of business."

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"I don't see what you see in him."

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

'When they announced a 'ladies excuse-me' my bird said 'excuse me' and left'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'After our divorce, will you marry me?'

"Your ex asked you to remarry him?!!! You're not considering it, are you???" "Oh, heavens no! I know he's only after me for his money!!!"

"He sounds like a classic first husband."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'My first wife said I was ignorant. My second said I bragged too much. My third said I was conceited. And so it is that my self-knowledge just keeps growing and growing.'

"As soon as I've seen my shrink you can have your rings back."

'On TV they play dramatic music as the contestants enter the ring'

"Michael. ... That's my sleazeball of an ex-husband's name."

Car parked illegally has 'divorce attorney on call' sign in window.