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'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Graph Your Relatives!

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

Contest of wills.

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

One tends to the sick. The other manages a large estate. Interestingly, a caregiver and a caretaker are not on opposite sides of an interaction.

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

God changes His will.

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

The Werewolf planner

"Someday this will all be yours, or so you think until you find out at my last will and testament that I left everything to my hot, young trophy wife and you curse my soul to eternal damnation."

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

Death as a Solicitor, to client: "I strongly recommend you write a Will."

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."

The Heirs

'Andy, this is Doug. Looks like we're going to have to dip into the reserves earlier than we expected.'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"..and to my cat, Wilhelm, I leave my wifes best couch."

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'