Estate Planners Pillows

"And I being of sound find authorise that my entire stock of kryptonite be distributed amongst the citizens of Planet Zug.."

"I don't want to be an alarmist, but there's a dumpster in the driveway."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

Graph Your Relatives!

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

Contest of wills.

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Is the fire included?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."