Estate Management Pillows

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'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Let's get organized

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

A Day In The Kitchen

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"By labeling it, I control it."

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Hassled Mother.

"This looks like a job for 'Margarita Man!'"

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'