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ESP test

"Do you have any books on perception?"

'Come in'.

"I'm looking for a book on ESP..." "I know..."

Theoretical physicist with powers of ESP stealing a thought experiment from a colleague.

Now you're going to say, "objection overruled." Objection overruled. What can I say? ESP is a gift from God.

Psychic Research Unit.

"Good evening. It's a pleasure to be here addressing you tonight."

"Regarding your letter of next Monday ... "

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

Psychic diving competition.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

The Boss.

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

"Don't even think about it."

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

Doctor Flattened By The ER Rush

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, but your hair just doesn't say anything to me today."

Out of Emergency into Doctor's Lounge

'Stranger?.. No, it's definitely a tall, dark strangler.'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

Reason # 23 that doors don't make perfect seal against winter winds: Mischievous unemployed elves.

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'