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"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

'A Mr Ritzwell to see you, sir. Are you in, or are you using the escape tunnel?'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

'Anything to get out of taking a bath.'

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

"He's not good with change!"

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

The coward's way out.

"I got an extension.'

I'm going hunting vermin with a blow pipe and darts.

"I have an app that does my exercise for me!"

Son disappears at the mention of helping out mom.

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

"My boyfriend's got a split personality. Every time the check comes he splits!"

'Taking your dog for a 'walk'...Helps to keep you fit!'

"No, Harry, shaking ketchup on your burger and chips twice a day cannot be counted as exercise."

"Mr. Rod, my dad wants to clean the garage tomorrow...and he needs me to pack boxes and haul tons of stuff. It'll probably take all day!"

"No thanks, just browsing."

'Listen up! Me and Everyone else will run for our lives. Dewey You stay back and block.'

"A book report? -- Wouldn't that be a copyright violation?"