Environmentally-conscious Sibling Pillows

"Technically, He's supposed to generate more energy than he uses."

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

Authorization for the Use of Farce

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"The lunch, grab the lunch!"

'What did you do with the apple I gave you yesterday?'

I'm looking for a useful gift for a newborn. Nature's Baby Boutique. We have a large selection of essentials. Here are the 100% organic, fair trade, hand-dyed pashimina diaper covers. Wow! Nothing says "essential" like popped-on pashimina. A little dry-cleaning and it's good as new.

No toxic waste in my backyard!

Rustic Camping: No Water, Electric or Wi-Fi

This summer, Mother Nature goes nuts.

"No arms deliveries!" "Arms deliveries!" "No arms deliveries!" "Arms deliveries!"

"MacDonalds or the planet! What kind of choice is that?"

"Well they look pretty undocumented to me."

Global Thermostat - Do Not Adjust.

'We'll have a job finding another gardener as dedicated as old Tom.'

Wow! Look at these cool shower presents. Nature's Baby Boutique. 100% natural baby soaps, changing pads, bottle holders, safety gates and classical music tapes. Plus stroller, crib and swaddling blankets. Without all this stuff � How could you ever have a natural baby?

"One day my son all of this will be yours."

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Children's Books for the New Era

'I though you were on the pill!'

Cultivated Meat Pet Food Lab

Hey, Just Kidding

"It wasn't until I started getting 'A's' in math that I even realized I was Asian."

The Derider

Getting rid of bottled water at school is a good eco-club project -- in theory. But?

"Ma! Harvey's using up natural resources again."

I hate thinking our little girl is old enough to learn about birth control. Don't worry. Twig will want whatever has the least environmental impact. And this is reassuring because? No packaging, chemicals or anything imported from China. What does that leave? Excellent. Abstinence! The green alternative. You can tell her.

'He has all of his fingers and toes and, so far...no carbon footprint.'

"Okay, okay, just calm down. Take a deep breath and tell mommy who told you about global warming?"

So what's with the emo look? Not '"emo"

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. To save the planet she just had two."

'It's her ecological footprint.'

Children's Books for the New Era

Teach your children environmental awareness!

'Mom, as an environmentally aware teenager, I don't eat meat anymore. From now on, I'll eat green jelly beans only.'