Environmental Officer Pillows

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

'It's no use Lieutenant - he's still refusing to separate his recyclables.'

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'It's from the council. Their waste support unit considers you a non-recyclable item.'

Thames Water.

No Fly Tipping

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

"Our personnel policy is ecologically sustainable. We use the carrots and stick approach, the carrots are organic and the sticks are from fast regrowing trees."

Good Bin Emptying Isn't Just for Christmas

'I'm afraid CO2 emissions are prohibited.'

'Your truck passes my safety inspection, but you better clean the dashboard before the EPA declares it a hazardous waste dump.'

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

Bin Police

"Sorry, sir, but fly-tipping is strictly prohibited."

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

Rare earths are the key to a greenwashed, technotopian future

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

The interested bystanders.

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'Put a tick under 'very toxic'.' (New Orleans Toxic Clean-Up Team).

Evolution.

Water company bonus.

'It's a bold initiative but I don't think it's right for the staff kitchen.'

"It's trickle down."

'Have you done something to your air? You look different?'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

"The Nominees"

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

The Earth studying our cities with much interest

Water power.

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

'Look on the bright side: now we qualify for an energy-conservation award.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

If we run with this account, we'll be accused of being ethically challenged and morally bankrupt...anyone got a problem with that?