Environmental Coordinator Pillows

'Looks like someone has accidentally recycled an important document again.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'Put a tick under 'very toxic'.' (New Orleans Toxic Clean-Up Team).

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'It's a bold initiative but I don't think it's right for the staff kitchen.'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

Environment policy.

Price may vary with weather.

Another environmentally correct office product: The executive desk/organizer-fish ladder

'You must be really into recycling. Mommy says you're always talking trash.'

"Great, microplastic - there goes the neighborhood."

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

David Attenborough's Morning

"Sorry, Edmund, but this is going to be a paper-free office."

"The Nominees"

Conservation bookshelf has a dead plant on top of it.

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

How Many It Takes

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

Bailout, Poverty, Environment, Peace - Money for the needy.

'Look on the bright side: now we qualify for an energy-conservation award.'

"Is it me, or are these potholes getting worse?"

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Environmental Conscience

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

'Doesn't bother me. All my money is in carbon-cleanup technologies.'