Entertainment Industry Hopeful Mugs

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Mum, I got the job!"

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Stunt lemmings.

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

'Therapy in L.A.'

Bear Juggling Penguins.

'The Final Merger'

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

"When you think about it, you have to be a complete idiot not to believe aliens crashed at Roswell in 1947." "Before 1947: primitive cars, planes, and radio. After 1947: space ships, quantum computing, internet." "Let me try... Before 1947: no bikinis. After 1947: bikinis." "No, wait... The bikini was 1946. That throws this whole theory into question." "We really should have our own science show."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

'And who are you wearing?'

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

Larry David

Trump commissions song

At the celebrity jobcentre...

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking