Engagement Ended T-Shirts

"No she won't. She left her ring on the table."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Couples' therapy

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'Oh, thank you, Neville. If I had lips, I'd kiss you.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation