Employment Dynamics Critic Pillows

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

Why markets crash.

"This is a company which is going places...."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Corporate Darwinism

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

"Aw... I'm really sorry you're bored Jenkins. I wonder if I can rekindle your interest with some of this work you should be doing?"

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

'I love men in uniformity.'

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

"Only I, am entitled to use ignorance as an excuse!"

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

Yo Man

Will work for question marks.

'What we need is another scandal that ends in 'gate'...to take people's minds off the unequal distribution of wealth issue.'

"So you're looking for a well paid, non job - how about trying a government quango?"

Bernie Madoff

"This government has killed our chances of running a successful business on the high street. Not one customer all morning!"

'I need somebody just like the guy I fired.'

'I remember when I was high right-hand man.'

Career Opportunities of the Future

'All this identity theft is making my job very difficult!'

"What we're looking for is somebody of about twenty five with forty years' experience."

Job machine - old jobs and new jobs.

The buck stops here/Pass the buck.

'It's a privilege to work for us, so we charge a fee to work here. The good news is there's plenty of overtime.'