Employee Gathering Gifts

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Group Think Time

"Uh-oh...it's starting to delegate work to me."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"Next meeting back to paper. Everyone missed doodle."

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

"For an up to date picture, I suggest we reconvene under the table."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

'Next time, Featherton, I'd like to see your sales projections without the clouds.'

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

"Oxygen masks. When a meeting gets so boring as to be life-threatening, they automatically drop down!"

You don't have to be mad to work here but Mwaaark!

A poster next to a busy beehive shows a photo of a bee under the words "Employee of the week".

'I'm pretty sure it's just plain old Tuesday. Bath towel Tuesday is next week.'