Employee Benefits Specialist Prints

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

Walk the dog.

'You get medical coverage, Harville. Now you're telling me you want a salary, too?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

'We like the teamwork idea, but Billy won't let us play with his ball.'

'It's a treasure map.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

Labor Day '19

Human Resources Dept: Full time/part time/over time/time and a half/time out.

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'What do you mean, 'away team'? -- You're firing me, aren't you?'

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'