Employee Appreciation Pillows

'I think it has reached critical mass.'

Employee of the month...

The fierce urgency of now - and how to avoid it.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"For calling in sick press two to have our psychic verify your condition."

"I know good management is a delicate balance, but who changed our flow chart into an aerial circus act?"

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

"One of you I like. The other one, not so much."

"There's such a thing as being TOO conscientious, Miller!"

"While you're not busy we've a few more things we'd like you to do!"

"I have a very demanding job. The boss is always demanding I work late."

'It may well be nesting J.T but damn it, you've got a company to turn.'

'I think we should try having a 'none week' week.'

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

'Surely it's not necessary to service the photocopier every single day!'

Computer Mouse gets Torn Off.

"Yes we need it back. The team fired you, not Sharky."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'