Emotional Skeptic Pillows

'How touching. She's found her apathy-mate.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Relationship Warning Lights

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

Large Emoticon Collider

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

The Map of the Human Heart

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"I appreciate the support. It feels good to finally get that off my chest."

"There's something I have to tell you."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Thin Tank and Emote Tank.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"I'm putting you on entry level anxiety meds."