Emotional Sage Prints

"Just ignore your father. He has enough pet peeves to open a zoo."

"That's Barry. . . my ex."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

That party went well.

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

A tree cries its leaves off like tears

Personal Relationship Counsellor

Bishop with a crozier case.

'Probably just another correctional movement.'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

Tariff Adjustment

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

'How do I tell the president we're looking at an ampersand-shaped recovery? He still doesn't get the supply curve.'

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

'It's not his knee. It appears his feelings are hurt and the team psychologist is rushing out onto the field.'

'Did you spill my pint?'

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"Yes, I said that a man should be able to show his emotions but..."

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'