Emergency Room Survivor Mugs

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Time for your pills.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

CLEAR!

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"He fought like hell."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

A&E Department: "Take a seat!"