Embryologist Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

The cell phone soother for life.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'