Embryologist Pillows

'Last one in is a rotten egg.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'