Email Ninja Pillows

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

While you were out...

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Out and In.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Go team!

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

Trade Show Sherpas

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

The Card Flinger

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

Executive Asks Death To Wait

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"Oh, go on Jeffrey. . . Give him an order!"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!