Email Etiquette Critic Prints

'That's insubordination! How dare you type in all caps to me!'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"My son, using 'Reply All' is not a sin."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

'Are you a footballer?'

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

A tombstone reads: please note, I will no longer be answering emails. If this is urgent contact Cliff or Rhoda.

"For the last time, Maurice! Don't send out curses by e-mail!"

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

"You can't do that, Scott – this is Chicago."

14 days since the last inappropriate e-mail

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

"Email tone is tricky... I can never tell if they're wagging."

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

"That was a typo. I need you to form a special task group."

'I'm not being bullied...it's from my boss.'

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"

"I just wanted to be removed from the mailing list."

'Will that be the constantly looking down at smart phones section or family that talks to each other section?'

"Every time I close my correspondence with 'warm regards' I feel a little creepy."

"You're embarrassing yourself again Edward. If you want a bigger wine glass, just ask the waiter."

Boy Laughs At Man Who Has Fallen Down.

A recent study found frequent use of cell phones can present a serious health risk to the incredibly inconsiderate.

'Here's my number. Have the gentleman call me when he wishes to order.'