Email Addict Pillows

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

The Eternal Question

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

"I need to check my email and see if there's anything that requires my immediate overreaction."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

Spam in Hell.

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Santa called but you were out!

"Mail's here."

'This is your idea of hitting the local hotspots?'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

Email Notifications

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'