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"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Postwar is hell."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

'We finally learned to communicate, and he's worse than I thought he was!

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"What a sad species humans are!"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Wife takes husband's place in the pub

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Couple

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

Bring your problems to work day.

'It's hard to slice a potato once you've looked it in the eye.'

Human Rights

"I suggest you take an Empathy pill every day."

'What's the point of suffering from depression if nobody notices?'

'Believe me, I understand.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Unhappy clown.

"I see your thirty. I hear your thirty. I validate your thirty."

"Get a hold of yourself, Jerry! We ALL knew the risks we were taking with the new corporate motto. When you care, it's easy to get hurt!"

No safe haven

"Now I'm well, I miss my doctor."

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

"I was hoping to settle this without avoiding some sort of argument."