Election Pundit T-Shirts

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

'How do I get to the House of Representatives?' 'Just follow the straight and narrow till election day, and then veer sharply left.'

'Of course I didn't announce the election -- it was a secret ballot!'

'I think this candidate can be bought.'

Vote For Me!

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Hate Platforms

In the Guru District

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

CEO du Jour

Difference of Opinion

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

Where does it all end up?

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Obama Healthcare.

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"