Election Day Ditcher Pillows

I told people who I was going to vote for, but on election day I stayed home and played board games instead. The Milton Bradley effect.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

'Mmm...Smells like waffles!'

Palin 2012

Anger Management - Now Treating "Electoral College Rage"

Hide me. Under the table. What's the matter? He's coming. Who. Who??? The wolf! The hairy man. The insatiable and relentless one. Didn't we just finish an election cycle? There he is! Oh no! The 2020 elections are around the corner. Wolf Blitzer! Run! I'll tune in tomorrow. Don't eat me! CNN.

"Well, you have to admire his honesty."

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Election Cancelling Headphones

"I Win!!!"

"Is it possible to put in in a coma until after the election?"

'We're saved! -- it's Superdelegate!'

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

Meanwhile, back at the GOP presidential candidate interviews. . .

"Well, I don't think we should count on much help from the Russians this election."

"We were thinking, since your head speechwriter understands the issues better than you do, speaks better than you do, is smarter and better-looking than you.."

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

"It's going to be a tough four years."

Wimp and Wimpier: The Democratic Field for 2020

"My net worth is $8.7 billion - so I can't be bought by any interest group!"

Presidential History

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8 years of GOP economics.

Bush's Huge Campaign Fund at Work.

RFK Jr Anti-Vax

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

'Folks, meet public enemy number 1!'

"Hold on a tick! I didn't consent to this. . . Did you consent to this?"