Elected To Office Prints

Deciding for or against an idea.

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

They're Not Just That Into It

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

Trump Poutine

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

Elections

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"The boss can see you now."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

The Russian Election.

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."