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Old Men on Rockers.

"Why bother?"

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

You can't get what up

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Birthday To-Do List

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

'You are always living in the past!'

"It's the Florida kid."

"She's definitely less plumpy."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

False teeth duel.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"I used to live each dray to the fullest. Now I'm satisfied with every other Tuesday."

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"To avoid stress in the future, tell me what gifts you would like for the next ten Christmases!"