Educational Funding Pillows

"It's a large gift - a very large gift. So the question is: do we rename ourselves 'Aunt Tilly's Frozen Fish University'?"

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Barb's such a fast reader."

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

Pinara fund

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

'And here's my collection of stock in DiscoCorp... or as I call it, your college fund.'

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

'The legislation HR2109 would increase state aid to education. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for you.'

"...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education..."

Dummy. Now we have to apply for another grant.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"Daddy made six hours of your tuition today."

"Formula for the new product?" "No, that's our grant going down the drain!"

Made Possible By A Grant...

'I didn't get a grant.'

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

"Our funding has gone into a black hole."

Ancient Egypt. What's the first principle of Egyptian archeology? "Follow the mummy"!

'Sorry kids, we've had to introduce parenting fees.'

'Of course, the really big money is in junk science.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

'Please, sir. Help me open a kickstarter account...'

"... and that this ham we're eating has enough sodium to give us high blood pressure. That's what I learned in school today."

"You want to borrow 1.2 million dollars to meet your school district's budget?"

'My net worth? Do you mean after taxes? Or after I pay for your education?'