Edgy Humor Lovers Pillows

"I don't expect you to love me forever, just until you get stabbed."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Fresh pepper?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

So You've Cloned Yourself

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

'A bucket and pail would have been enough.'

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

Devil tattoo.

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

'I think I'll let Goldie do a few lengths in the bath before I get in.'

Baby restaurant

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

'When I found iout you are what you eat, well, I'm nuts!'

Too Weird to Have a Husband

"Who put back an empty jar of formaldehyde?"

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Trying to rectify the Leaning Tower of Pisa

"You can't say that about the guinea pigs. Their lawyers won't allow it.'

'I love your perfume, what is it?' -'Exhumed!'

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'