Edgy Humor Lovers Pillows

"I don't expect you to love me forever, just until you get stabbed."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Fresh pepper?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

So You've Cloned Yourself

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

"My first video sucked. But I figure I've got 8 more chances."

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

Devil tattoo.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'A bucket and pail would have been enough.'

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

"Who put back an empty jar of formaldehyde?"

Too Weird to Have a Husband

'When I found iout you are what you eat, well, I'm nuts!'

Baby restaurant

'I think I'll let Goldie do a few lengths in the bath before I get in.'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Trying to rectify the Leaning Tower of Pisa

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

'I love your perfume, what is it?' -'Exhumed!'

"You can't say that about the guinea pigs. Their lawyers won't allow it.'

'We can now offer you a free range egg option.'

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."