Economic Downturn Navigator T-Shirts

"Federman, you look like the type who might like 'beaten down' stocks."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Mario Draghi

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

'Crisis'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

'I've been sent by the board to ask if you'd be willing to cut your symbolic one dollar a year salary to fifty cents.'

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

'You can't fire me! I'm too big to fail!'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'How long's he been out there?'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

You know retail is in a bad way when...

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

"Perkins, sometimes consistency is not a virtue."

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

'What gives you the idea we're on a sinking ship?'

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

'If the market should go down really deep, I'll be well prepared!'

"I asked Bill to accompany this presentation with something in a haunting minor key."

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'

"J.P. will be joining you by speakerphone."

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Stress.