Eccentric Entertainer Pillows

'Pepper, anyone?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'Don't you ever knock?'

Tom Waits.

"Are you finally going to admit that you've run out of things to do now that you're retired?"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Use your imagination.

Newt sale

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Off Off Off Off Broadway

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Pottery Slam

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Adult Magician

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"Come at me, Bro!"

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

"I'm waiting in for a plumber."

"O.K., so no animals were harmed, but were they adequately compensated?"

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

'...Joseph A.Peabody seeks out devious methods to add new excitement to his life.'

'You need to slow down - use more color.'

Sketchy Neighborhood

"Whatever you do don't get onto the topic of his wacky socks."