Eccentric Decorator T-Shirts

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Love the exposed chessboard."

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

"It all started when we adopted a highway."

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

If you keep sitting on your paintings, you're going to become an impressionist!

"Look what I found. You wouldn't believe the things that people throw out."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'I got it at a sale of slightly irregular clocks.'

He had gobs of money and a trophy wife...

101 uses of a dead cat: hatstand

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

The Dandy

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"I'm outside the fancy dress shop...."

Crap others threw out

Hedgehog living in filing cabinet.

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

Futons/Futoffs

Buider, "How crazy do you want this paving, mad,or completely wacko?"

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

Wallpaper Bouguet

'And here's the crown jewel of the collection. It's an '86, totally organic, and the UK Bag Manufacturers' Association rates it a 99.'

"Derek has re-invented himself."

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

'I hired a decorator.'

Fashionista

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin