Duality Juggler Mugs

"I'm a superhero for the benefit of mankind. It's my day job in a call centre that pays the bills."

Children's Parties

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

Football

A woman watches football on her computer.

'I love these afternoon jam sessions.'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

Education Guidance

"Balanced Diet"

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

A Man mixing up his sports.

The Multi-tasking Snake Charmer

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

Unicyclist painting a ceiling,

'I like you, you've got balls.'

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

ESSENTIALS for those who are OVER 50 AND OUT OF WORK

Jeff goes through a breakup with a multiple personality patient.

Well, I can't sit around all day - I have things to do.

'Attack!'

"And I thought changing the twins was going to be difficult!"

Home/work masks.

"Our smart home is blowing up my text. The oven is mad at the dishwasher. The dishwasher is mad at the lights. The lights are mad at the TV. And I thought out kids fought a lot."

'But my friends call me Lefty.'

Chiropractor

I may not have made any sales this quarter but I also haven't prevented and sales.

"Okay, feet, let's show hands you're just as good as they are."

'Can't talk now! I'll call you back.'