Drug Expert T-Shirts

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Pestilence, (Drugs) War, Famine.

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way.

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"I have prescribed something to make you sleep better! Be careful not to take too many! If you do this side effect is headaches!"

Now it can be told - contrary to mass expectation the five people you meet in heaven are...

"Me, not self-sufficient? Who was it who self-published a self-help on self-medicating?"

La Tour 2007.

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

'Pegasus used steroids. Pass it on.'

Let the profit-making begin!

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

'Tragedy struck when Larry, the druggist, mistakenly filled the prescription with RED capsules.'

"Why does every disaster movie start with the government ignoring a scientist? Like that would ever happen."

Waiting room scene and signs that say 'Dr. Ooze's Clinic - As seen on TV.'

Opium Den 2019

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

"We could market them as anti-aging drugs."

"The doctor said he could see you at 2 or 3 turdy."

'Mrs. Sandler, I'm sorry we were late! No! Not that, Mrs. Sandler! Ahh! No, please! I beg of you!...'

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

'It looks right, but actually it's very, very wrong.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

You should be clear and tell patients that Doctor Jones has an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases, not that he is "ill-informed."